I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings. –George Carlin

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. –Joseph Wood Krutch, The Twelve Seasons: A Perpetual Calendar for the Country

The reason domestic pets are so lovable and so helpful to us is because they enjoy, quietly and placidly, the present moment. –Arthur Schopenhauer, quoted in Agnes Repplier’s The Fireside Sphinx

If a dog jumps up into your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. –Alfred North Whitehead, Dialogues of Alfred North Whitehead

Q: Where does a two-thousand-pound gorilla sleep?
A: Anywhere it wants to.
Q: Where does a ten-pound cat sleep?
A: Anywhere it wants to.
–Leonore Fleischer, The Cat’s Pyjamas

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. –Roger Caras, By Definition

The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog. –Samuel Coleridge, Table-Talk

It is a sobering thought that cats and dogs are more loyal, trustworthy, and reliable than human beings. –Desmond Morris, Dogwatching

Cats have always refused to share the human failing of having a conscience. –John Tickner, Tickner’s Cats

And no cat anywhere ever gave anyone a straight answer. –The Cat, in The Last Unicorn

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. –Joseph Wood Crutch, The Twelve Seasons

It’s because they’re dogs, because they’re what we can’t be, as hard as we try, that we cherish their virtues. It’s why we idealize and extol their unfailing loyalty, patience, nobility, courage, selflessness, and devotion—so exemplary in them, so elusive in ourselves. Want perfect love? Try heaven. The closest thing to it you’ll find on earth is a dog. –Lionel Fisher, Celebrating Time Alone: Stories of Splendid Solitude

…I don’t think two people could spend every moment of every day together without desperately needing a break. But you can do it—gloriously—with a dog. –ditto

I think every person who is single should have a dog. I think the government should step in and intervene: If you’re not married or coupled up, whether you’ve been dumped or divorced or widowed or whatever, they should require you to proceed immediately to the pound nearest you and select an animal companion. Dogs give your days a rhythm and a purpose. –Jennifer Weiner, Good in Bed

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. –Rita Rudner

I think dogs were put in this world to remind humanity that love, loyalty, devotion, courage, patience, and good humor are qualities that, with honesty, are the essence of admirable character and the very definition of a life well lived. –Dean Koontz, Seize the Night

I don’t know why cats are such habitual vomiters. They don’t seem to enjoy it, judging by the sounds they make while doing it. It’s in their nature. A dog is going to bark. A cat is going to vomit. –Roy Blount, Jr., in Esquire

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. –(?)

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. –Leo Dworken

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. –Jeff Valdez

Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal, and lazy. It’s easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America’s favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people (expensive girlfriends, for instance) that it’s often hard to tell the people and the cats apart. –PJ O’Rourke, Modern Manners

If there is no heaven for dogs, then I want to go where they go when I die. –anonymous

You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. –Robert Louis Stevenson

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. –James Thurber

All animals’ eyes have the power to speak a great language. –Martin Buber, I and Thou

The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too. –Samuel Butler, “Higgledy-Piggledy,” in Notebooks

There is something about the presence of a cat... that seems to take the bite out of being alone. –Louis J. Camuti

A home without a cat—and a wellfed, wellpetted and properly revered cat—may be a home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? –Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson and Those Extraordinary Twins

I think we’d probably be better off if humans had never existed. Dogs, on the other hand, are perfect creatures. –Merle Kessler

The more people I meet the more I like my cat. –anonymous

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. –Madame Roland, attributed in Notes and Queries, September 5, 1908

The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs. –A. Toussenel, L’Esprit des Bêtes

I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul. –Jean Cocteau

The smallest feline is a masterpiece. –Leonardo Da Vinci

I’ve met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. –Hippolyte Taine

There are no ordinary cats. –Colette

If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. –Mark Twain, Notebook

The cat has too much spirit to have no heart. –Ernest Menaul

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. –Missy Dizick

Like a graceful vase, a cat, even when motionless, seems to flow. –George F. Will

How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven. –Robert A. Heinlein

Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren’t like this. A dog’s idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish. Dogs spend their time thinking about doing good deeds for their masters, or sleeping. –James Gorman, The Man With No Endorphins and Other Reflections on Science

The little furry buggers are just deep, deep wells you throw all your emotions into. –Bruce Schimmel

Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes! –Theophile Gautier

If a cat spoke, it would say things like, “Hey, I don’t see the problem here.” –Roy Blount, Jr.

I sleep with two cats and the touch of their fur brushing against my naked skin is among the most beautiful sensations I can think of. They calm me, these animals who could be wild but choose not to be, who go outside to kill and lounge around, then come home every day for the food I provide and for my touch. They bridge me over to that animal country from which I came, a place in which the body poses no questions, only needs. –Alison Hawthorne Deming, Temporary Homelands

Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. –Jim Davis

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. –Ben Williams

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. –Andrew A. Rooney

If your dog doesn’t like someone you probably shouldn’t either. –(?)

No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich. –Louis Sabin

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. –Dave Barry

The dog…is the god of frolic. –Henry Ward Beecher, Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit

Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends. –Alexander Pope, in a letter written on October 19, 1709

Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe, we are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made. –Roger Caras

It is impossible to keep a straight face in the presence of one or more kittens. –Cynthia E. Varnado

There are two means of refuge from the misery of life: music and cats. –Albert Schweitzer

If cats could talk, they wouldn’t. –Nan Porter

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. –Mark Twain

If there is one spot of sun spilling onto the floor, a cat will find it and soak it up. –Jean Asper McIntosh

Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet. –Colette

Who among us hasn’t envied a cat’s ability to ignore the cares of daily life and to relax completely? –Karen Brademeyer

A dog is not “almost human” and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such. –John Holmes

The greatest love is a mother’s, then a dog’s, then a sweetheart’s. –Polish proverb

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. –Will Rogers